Take this pain away from me, its unbearable.

A tribute.
She's as vain as me, she loves to be dressed up in clothes, with her hair tied up in diff colours of ribbons everyday, in diff styles.
She's the main distraction,with that extremely adorable face of hers, the one to be blamed whenever i cant concentrate on my revisions, always running off to play with her.
She's the one whom i tease with all sorts of names, lil princess, our baby, the spoiled brat, chubby,to whatever names i can associate with chubby and cuteness. cause she's all that.
She's the one that won a beauty pageant contest and was featured in the Star Newspaper.
She's the apple of the eye, the main joy giver at home, never fails to cheer me up whenever im down, just by looking at her, the way she sleeps, with her tongue always sticking out, her groggy face, just by talking to her, telling her my secrets, just by having her jump up and greet me.
Like a baby, despite having her for 7 years already, each and everyday, she never fails to amuse us with something new.
She's the epitome of cute, how i see her in everything cute stuff i see, how it reminded me of her.
She's friggin smart, she does high fives and tens, she shakes hands,all that we've trained her ever since she was a puppy. She's even trained on her toilet habits.
She loves to hear me read aloud, she loves the sound of the piano and guitar .
Superbly Cute and pretty is an understatement for her.
She's the centre of attention whenever visitors come to my house.
Everybody loves her, even ppl whose afraid of dogs.
She's not a dog in our family. she's a family member, our youngest member in the family.


And all that is history now, the heart wrenching fact, the harsh reality which im not willing to accept, hoping that i'll wake up from this dream. so, pinch me.
The whole house is weighed down with her absence.
Heavy silence of unspoken grief.
I know i'll wake up in the morning, just like i did this morning,with tears rolling down uncontrollably, having to realize all over again, that she's never coming back anymore.
I wont see her greeting me in the morning, excitedly wagging her tail.
I wont see her accompanying me throughout my late nights loyally, when everyone else's asleep in the household.
I wont have her clinging to me whenever lightning and thunderstorms frightened her.
I wont have her following my heels to the door, or greeting me enthusiastically whenever i go in and out of the house.
I'll never have to wonder what colour of a ribbon she's wearing today while im in school.
I'll never feel that satisfying weight of hers in my arms.
I'll never have her soft fur to snuggle into again.
I'll never have anyone to baby talk to again.
And now, whenever i eat my food, to the last piece of whatever's left, it feels weird not having anyone to pester me for it, cause the greedy girl's not around anymore.
Everywhere i go in the hse, her presence lingers, as if she's still there, like every other day, with her toys and clothes lying around, smelling of her.
But the fact is, she's not, and she's never coming back again.
I'll never see her peeking from the car window, whenever mum fetches me from tuitions.
I never knew that would be my last time seeing her when mum and sis sent her to the clinic, as we thought she was juz normally ill.

I've never lost someone so dear to me in my entire life before, so closely knitted and directly attached to.
She plays a huge role in every way in my life as well as my family's.
and now i finally know how ppl break down when they went to identify their loved ones' body.
God, it hurts like crap, right to the core, with the pain and sorrow squeezing the hell outta you.
My eyes and face feel sore from all the crying and tissues.Cant remember when's the last time i cried this hard.
Things only get worse when im in the middle of the crappy SPM trials. I cant seem to focus.No matter how hard to try to pull myself together, my thoughts will always stray and i'll find myself breaking down in hysterical sobs again. gosh.
I miss her terribly, i dont want anything else ,i only want her back again.
Tell me how am i gonna pull myself through this mess.
i pray that she's all safe and sound with God in heaven now, leading a way better life than she did before.

In loving memory of Cookie, my dearest and most beloved. I love you to bits, more than anything else in the world. She's not just any dog, she's our pride, she's the best among all, she's our dog. I swear to myself, i'll never keep pets again, the pain is overwhelming.
31.08.2008

Forsworn

To make it up for the many days i havent been updating my blog, and for the sake of entertaining elaine =), and also to lay my mind off some workload , momentarily, i'll just fulfill my tagged obligations. Here's for you lah elaine chin . blah.


1. At what age do you wish to married?
ask my mates in class, they'll still josh about my initial "thought" of becoming a nun in the Vatican City, it aint impossible though ;) anyway, if i dont ,it'd prolly be around late 20's too. =).

2. Study hard or play hard?
honestly, it depends on the circumstances your in.

3. Who is the person u trust the most?
me, myself and i.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
never stop striving for more each and every day.

5. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
my " beach dream". though not many know about it. p & c =).

6. Who is your favorite cartoon character?
tweety bird! lol.

7. What is your ideal friend?
someone who accepts me for who i am, and who never fails to be there for me, whenever, wherever.

8. What is your goal this year?
To be happier than last year and of course to obtain good spm results.

9. Do you believe in eternity love?
haha. no comments.

10. If you have all the time and money in the world, what would you do?
OBVIOUSLY, i'll go berserk on a shopping spree and i wanna travel around the world to exotic places and have the most impressive collection of luxurious chocolates =P.

11. When will you feel sad?
when you make me.

12. Balloons or Candy?
neither.

13. What feelings you hate the most?
Destitude. boredom. sadness. disappointment.

14. What is your childhood ambition?
Initially, it was being a doctor, until i came to realize that i cant pretty much stand the sight of blood or any other gruesome sights, makes me go light headed with that squeezing feeling in my heart.

15. Do you believe in love at first sight?
i suppose.

16. What do you want now?
honestly, everything. demanding, as always =).

17. Who do you hope to be always behind you, supporting you?
my loved ones.

18. People who are going to be hated by you?
people who put words into my mouth and accused me of things i didnt do.

19. Describe the person who tagged you in five words.
Noisy. Amplifier. Loud =P, nevertheless, an endearing and kind soul.

20. Do you deserve to be loved?
you bet i do.

21. Do you wish to have more than 24 hours per day?
i couldnt have wished for less. honestly, seeing how hectic it is for me nowadays. that should be ontop of my wishlist for the time being. in fact, i always have this secret wish that i can freeze time =P.


Race. I've never ran one as tired as this, so out of breath, i think im on the verge of giving up. Are you gonna stop running? or maybe you already did.

Brood.

Time

Cruelly Irreversible.

It makes me so mad

Knowing i can never grab hold of it

Turn it around whichever way i wish to

Always speeding ahead

Oblivious of my yearns for it to stay

So mad

Cause i cant seem to be in control of it

If only....

So why dwell on the "what-could-have-been", when there really aint nothing much we can do about it now. & That's just my weakness, constantly running back into the past, an act which serves no purpose , but only as an impediment for me to focus on the now and the tomorrow.

.... because sleeping makes time seep faster, without u even realizing, and thats the best thing u should do, when you're tired of waiting .

Sunset.

Whats your problem? Your my problem.

Jogathon.Its yet another silver medal for me, just like my 1500 m event, cause Li Wen's always hogging that gold =). 10 seconds was all that mattered. Her time clocked 16:10, my time clocked 16:20. my determination level was dying low. tsk tsk. i think the choc binging over the past month had a great deal to do with it too. excuses =P.Good job girl, once again we helped our house clutched first and second placing. Hopefully Hebat wins overall champion for the jogathon. Congrats to all you top 20 finalists too, great run peeps. & of course my two jogging buddies, eugene and adrian, clinched gold and silver respectively.

Daddy's back for the weekend. Bought for chocs for me from the airport. Hersheys, Cadbury's, Reese and Lindts. yup yup. time to satisfy that sweet tooth.So after church service today, i wanted to have Jap for dinner. Unfortunately, Sushi Zanmai had a friggin long queue awaiting, so we settled for Sakae instead. Though, i still preferred Zanmai.=). Went shopping with dad and mum after dinner. Gap was having sales, a spendthrift i was and still am, got myself a pair of jeans. There, i saw a familiar face, it was nice seeing him again. Victor. Just came back from Ns from Sabah apparently. With a crew cut hairstyle and looking a lil buffer now, currently working in Gap.

I bumped into Candy Sow too , then saw Pak Sen working in SonyEricsson. Seems like everyone's got a job in Ou. Anyway, i forgotten to get my mint choc chip Gelato ice cream before i left. =/ and the Theobromas Choc Lounge still aint open yet.. urgghh. bummer.oh oh! i saw a realllly looooveeely baby blue volkswagen beetle juz now. tsk tsk. love at first sight. i use to tell pig that my dream car wud be a yellow vw beetle, but now i change my mind. i want just that kinda blue. *drools*.

Lucky find. I thought thats the end of it when Jloh told me he cudnt find this pic of mine. Then i stumbled upon it in J Chan's pendrive the other day. This is in fact one of my fav pic.

In my green saree receiving the medal. privilege sial. solid proof of me rushing from 800m to perbarisan to price giving , without a second to kill, and then change for my 1500m run.

Im starting to like the colour green
though i like Hebat since long time ago. cheh.

Bittersweet, the time of our lives.

01.07.2008

marks my retirement as a prefect and an assistant head prefect of SMKDJ, after 4 and a 1/2 years . All the way from form one,one of the oldest existing prefect in the board, to the extend i created a "trademark" for myself, where some ppl from other schools call me "Anthea the prefect". lols. It was relieving yet pretty rueful to leave the job, after all it covered pretty much the entire of my high school life. Having done something so routined for half a decade, it felt as if something was missing, having nothing to do, no responsibilities to bear, free to spend the morning and recess with your friends, no more speed walking to hurry around the blocks, no more entering the classes late, not having the liberty to go out of class anytime u want, basically just a powerless simple student =). On a brighter note, i'd say, hell yeah i deserve a good break , for starters , waking up late and going to school late =). Happy retirement y'all bunch of "senior citizens " of the board.

My TLS purse, prefect's room key, Rondaan Pass, Namebook,
Blazer, Best prefect pin, Name Tag and a framed up souvenir from my juniors.

No longer in use.


A day before we stepped down, 5 of us, Ming ping, Jason, Nic, Jloh and I attended SMKDU's prefect's installation and handover ceremony, courtesy of Ming Ping's 'skillful maneuver on his new Saga". U can say we made a grand entrance by being "fashionably" late, arrived in the midst of their assembly. tsk tsk. Anyway, the highlight of the day was basically the school. For Nic and i, it was love at first sight , after we went goo goo gaa gaa over the impressive landscapes, almost impeccably clean compound, lovely murals, huge compound, a gated asrama behind and everything. A good place to play hide and seek. haha, sorry , jakunness exposed. =P But seriously, our school looks really pathetic in comparison =).

Rollie Pollie and i.

*hands up*, its obviously her idea for the retarded syiok sendiri pose =).

Bonding- SMKDJDU PREFECTS.

i should say the du prefects are certainly very welcoming and sociable people.

The Scouts Alley.

hmm, a second look at it, makes me think of one the word SIBLINGS.

no?=)

Us invaders liberated ourselves to roam around the school, before being shown around by a kind prefect, easily the tallest guy in SMKDU i suppose. Manage to class- hop around and met up with truckloads of ex primary mates in du currently, like Hui Hun, Xinni, Jia Hui, Chien Yen, Shin Yin, Wes, Mark, Sun Siew, Eeven,Charmaine and many more. Bumped into my church mates too, Jaritha, Jacqueline, Christine, Thaddeus... Potato had her old school reunion too, while Jloh has his fellow interactors/scouts reunion =).

Told u the landscape was nice.

Us and our bodyguard of the day.

Overall, it was fun.

So long Du, thanks for being a great host.

Irrelevantly, went for my last hebat hse practice yesterday, lead my hse members for a quick run around the marathon route for this Sat's Jogathon.On our second round, an Unggul hse member joined us, no other than Eugene Lai here.

wanna know something? i think yesterday was the first time i ever lay my taste buds on Slurpee.

Another jakunness exposed. =P.

nyways, i loved it!

I just happen to stumble upon this pic, and realized i havent posted this overdue sports day shot.I oughta say i look downright retarded in this picture,BUT, for the benefit of the rest of u in the picture, all genuinely smiling away, this upload if for y'all. so steal or copy it whichever u want. =)

* Further updates as soon as i get hold of the pictures in everyone else's came. ta' raa!

- All good things come to an end -

The Blues

House Captains and Co Captains of year 2008

Prefect's Camp - Kuala Kubu Baru
It was fun, though it cud have been better =). A pretty nice area though, huge compound,alot of land wastage i would say, though it makes u feel like running around all the time. Its an active NS training campsite btw, so it pretty much gives u a rough idea hows the living life for NS gonna be like. I gotta tell you, just the sight of those cutleries you'll be using makes u lose wtv appetite you've got . I wont even go further to the bedspreads and closets you'll be using, leave that up to your imagination =).

* note : picture's are not in chronological order, to lazy to organize em'.


Nic i , entertaining ourselves while waiting for dinner to be served.

in the sunset dusk

Anthea, Nic and Jo-yi





spell it with me, A-N-T-H-E-A.

Nic aka roly poly aka potato =)



woot, potato's pretty strong after all

Rendezvous

A night of mafia game, bonding, chipsmore , marshmallows

& " char siew bao "(inside joke)

Day 2-Jungle Trekking

Day 1- Hsien, Loh, Me and Wern Lin

Jloh and i
on top of my fav obstacle course.

Beloved chem pals

Taking a break in the midst of the course

nic and i

identities so commonly mixed and switched.=/
esp throughout camp, ppl kept confusing themselves over both of us.

Commando crawl

Day 1-J loh's Trust Fall

The super long corridors that freaks you out
when u walk back to your dorm alone at night

The gathered strengths of KP & PKP owning in chor dai di =)

Day 2- Flying Fox

Day 3- Rafting, too bad we dont have pictures of it.

Camp aftermath? all day long hibernation back home after tuckin in at 4.30 and wakin up at 6 for two days in a row. I counted a total of 20 + bruises all the way from my thighs to my legs, without a tiniest clue how i got it. sunburnt, and a vivid memory of camp to last me for a week's good night sleep. you guys were great company =).

Pictures , courtesy of Calvin ,Jloh & J chan. =)

bally-o-bongo.

Bora Asmara

A sentimental balinese outdoor dining nestled within Kpg Penchala.

Belated birthday dinner with The Friends.
Ian, kikie, 3na, pig, kc, ws, gene, drian and i.



candid





my pigging partner


the cosy Bisek



peekaboo



3/4 of the quartet



the entrance



kikie, blending in with the balinese ambient.


the indian model =P


Iannie


The only distracting and disturbing thing of the night.
the cat, my phobia.
ironically, on my birthday.



Gene, Sheng, Loong.

cap and co cap.


adrian michael joseph sanker.




lai yong wen.



us again

adrian just ruined the picture.



3naaaa
i've saved the brownies for you=)

senoritas





the best bud.

Yew Hann and Chi Ming dropped by after dinner, ferried half the lot to my Condo, the remaining half wasn ferried by dad. The boys laid out the cards and vodka while i brought down my birthday brownies, only to be surprised with another huge cake brought by Ana when she came to join us after dinner. Thanks girl, Eugene and Candice too for the lovely surprise =). Since everyone had to go to school, so we ended at about 11 plus , though i stayed up a long while more to finish up my packing for my prefects camp the next morning .
A heartfelt thank you all for every single thing =).